Kids worry about finances, too
I was struck by the article in yesterday’s New York Times, “Teacher, My Dad Lost His Job. Do We Have to Move?” The article points out that even if parents think they’re doing a good job of concealing the stress of losing a job, children have “eagle ears” and worry about real things like having to move away from friends or even becoming homeless.
My advice: Talk to your kids, reassuringly but honestly. Here are some ideas from my article for CBS MoneyWatch on how to approach the topic:
Preschool and elementary school
It may be tempting to hide bad news, but don’t. “If there’s a feeling of it in the air, they will sense it,” says Carolyn Meyer-Wartels, a psychotherapist and parenting educator in New York. “Overhearing the news, or hearing about it secondhand, is far more anxiety-producing than actually getting the truth.” Although it seems irrational, kids often feel like they’ve caused an event like a layoff. Explain that it’s not their fault. Let them know that even though part of your life has changed, they’ll still have all the things they need—food, home, and family.
Tweens
At this age, kids understand that not all families have the same finances. They compare toys and clothes with their friends, and peer pressure takes hold. If financial straits have temporarily deprived your kids of video games or cool sneakers, acknowledge their disappointment, but no need to fret constantly, says Jill Norvilitis, a psychology professor at Buffalo State College who specializes in children’s emotional development and the psychology of debt. Their awareness of tough times—and the fact that some of their friends’ parents may have lost jobs—can make the loss a bit easier to accept. Plus, when you’re 12 you don’t want to be different, so it may help to talk about people who are in the same boat.
Teens
Teens have a lot more options when it comes to earning income to support their lifestyles or, in especially serious circumstances, the family. If your teen can get a job to pay for his own incidentals, it can take pressure off the situation. But with teen joblessness topping 25%, its highest since World War II, this may not be an option. Consider hiring your teen for various gigs you would pay someone else for, like babysitting or shoveling snow. If your teen is asking questions, put together a family budget so he or she can see the big picture. And, perhaps most important, be sure to have a frank discussion about college costs and what your family can afford, so there are no surprises.
Young adults
You’re going to be a financial role model (and, at times, open wallet) for your kids long after they turn 18. According to a recent Charles Schwab survey, 41% of parents provide at least some financial support to 23-28-year-old kids. And 85 percent of graduates plan to move back home, which could be a bonus if they contribute to rent or bills—or a drag if they don’t. “It’s wonderful for parents to help children when they have real economic hardship, but often these older kids have a sense of entitlement that doesn’t stop,” says financial planner Denise Smith. If you have debt or need to save for retirement, tell your kids that you’re sorry you can’t help them more, but you need to focus on your own financial needs. You’ll be less of a burden to them later in life if you secure your own future now.
Do you talk about financial woes with your kids? What’s worked best?
